Tag Archives: humour

Spam Alert!

Technology at times, rears its ill head out of the muck in the most comical of ways possible.

I got spammed by someone yesterday who randomly found my number from a service called ‘TrueCaller’ and sent me a friendship request on ‘Whatsapp’.  So with advancement of technology, these unwanted friendship requests from strangers have advanced from Orkut then Facebook and now Whatsapp. I found a novel way to wriggle out of it! Novel for me, don’t know about you.

Check it out :

And that was the last I heard from him! 😀

Graciously Yours!

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How Not To …?

I’ve been meaning to write this for a really long time but something or the other delays it! Now, I can finally remove this from my drafts and put it on to the blog for all of you to savor.

One of those days when I was checking how good Google (India) is, I randomly typed “how not to” and I was awarded with such hilarious, disturbing and innovative questions that I just had to share it.

1. How not to get pregnant?

Okay, this one makes sense considering how desperately we’re trying to go for population control in India! Also points me towards how many nerve wrecked young girls there might be in my country presently. (But, shh! The countless Indians who, hailing from the land of Kamasutra, still believe sex to be a taboo might take offence!)

 

2. How not to make money?

Strange. Why would someone not want to make money? But then it dawns on me. Considering the Indian politicians make hundreds of crores a year through scams and scams only while flouting all sorts of laws of the land, they might be looking towards the Google magic to find more innovative and devious ways to loot the public!

 

3. How not to fall in love?.

Why! Oh why! Why would you not want to fall in love? Don’t go for the possessive, controlling, obsessed sort of love but what about the relaxing, serene, completing sort of love? Unless, they’re trying to find out ways to not fall in love with the numerous beautiful lasses who ‘rule’ Bollywood not based on their acting skills but based on their PR, make-up artist and stylist’s skills. Then it really is acceptable! Go ahead and give me some tips too. For The Guy Friend I have. He’s completely bonkers for a certain Katrina Kaif.

 

4. How not to be lazy?

I’ll tell you how. Get your lazy ass up from the chair, keep your phone aside and start doing your work! That’s how.

 

And here’s my question which I would like to ask Google.

How not to use Google?

What’s your How not to …?

Waiting!

 

Graciously Yours!

When “Whatsapp” replaced “Wassup?” which replaced “What’s up?”

I was pinging my friend on Whatsapp when I got a call from my aunt. On the other end was my eight year old cousin.

And then I faced my most embarrassing moment in the short term duration of things!

Continue reading When “Whatsapp” replaced “Wassup?” which replaced “What’s up?”

Dare to bare?

In one of those blink-and-you-miss breaks which I take these days in between my house arrest cum studies, a thought streaked across! The dare to bare.

I am sharing a few weird, funny, absurd and so darn true facts about me.

— My index fingers are not straight. There. I admit it. If I point towards you, it’s not a straight finger that you’re looking at. You can definitely see the curve!

— I am in pursuit of reducing my carbon footprint of late and hence I am saving water (and also my time) by taking a bath every alternate day. Do not judge me. Plus, I am saving something for our future generations! So. Congratulate me! Haha!

— I do not share the world’s passion for 1D, Miley Cyrus, Lady Gaga, Justin Beiber and the entire lot! Neither have I figured out yet how Kim Kardashian landed up on the Vogue cover.

— Selfies are not my cuppa tea. I like to be seen from the other person’s eyes. If I want to see myself, I have a mirror in my room. Selfies all over social networking sites kind of finish the actual use of it, I think. If ever there was one, that is.

People, your turn now! I am sure your secrets aren’t half as bad as the ones I just gave you!

Awaiting you.

Graciously yours!

R.I.P English

All through these years, I’ve never been in favour of belittling others or ridiculing others for their wobbly hold of the English language. Primary reason being, these people are aware of their weakness and are often trying to get past it.

 

However, in the past few days, I’ve come across mispronunciations and wrong usage of words, with such shameful confidence, I cannot help but put it down in the pages of social networking history!

 

I’ll cite the best of the lot:

 

— I heard a guy say on the microphone, while he was on stage, at the podium and in view of the entire audience, use the word important as an adjective for himself. Sadly, he silenced the letter ‘R’ in the word important. Rest, is up to you to understand!

 

— While explaining duties to volunteers at some event, one of the persons handling the event, said “Be benevolent to the guests.” Sounds good, doesn’t it? Not when you hear him say the same thing more than four times! Just using BIG words does not make you good at the language. Sometimes, words like respectful, helpful, cooperative also help.

 

— Then, he misses out the ‘damn’ from the phrase ‘any God-damn thing’. Although, I appreciate your willingness to not use the word ‘damn’ in front of women, the phrase ‘any God  thing’, sounds a little more than incomplete.

 

— Saving the best for the last, where a guy used the word ‘eligible’ for (drum roll! Ta da ta da dum!) ‘liable’. So what he said was something like, “If anything goes wrong, remember you will be eligible for it!”

 

Need I say more, folks? Let’s keep silence for a minute, please. R.I.P English.

 

 

 

I found my Twin Soul!

Me : Found this beautifully worded quote on the internet —
“I would like to be the air that inhabits you for a moment only. I would like to be that unnoticed and that necessary.”

Mr. Sensible : That is so romantic!

Me (Thinking deeply, frowning) : I would say these are subtle words portraying underlying obsession.

Mr. Sensible : Obsession is not the correct word here.

Me : I wouldn’t like to be that important or necessary in anyone’s life. Of course it would be flattering to be that important.
But I would feel suffocated after some time and would want to move on.

Me (adding hastily) : I’m sorry to ruin the romance of the words!

Mr. Sensible : (disappointed and angry) Well, you actually did!

Unsure, I sent it to another friend who is in, or we could say, working on a relationship.

Me : Found this beautifully worded quote on the internet —
“I would like to be the air that inhabits you for a moment only. I would like to be that unnoticed and that necessary.”

Twin Soul : Why would I like to be necessary and unnoticed for someone else?

And I’m jumping with joy! I found my twin soul!

PS : Mr. Sensible is so good looking and understanding and charming (& sensible, of course), he would easily find several women wanting to be the air for him!