Tag Archives: humour

Valparai Tales! Part 1.

As another three day long weekend came up, the crowd of Bangalore, like me, decided to move away from the city to the surrounding hill stations where temperatures dipped and the real feel was more in the fresh early 20’s rather than the tiring late 30’s!

What do you expect when seemingly an entire city starts to move away from it? Well, apart from a lot of money for the tolls and travel agencies? A lot of traffic! So much so that at 2 AM, we were stuck in traffic for almost an hour. Well, a lot of people got to see a SpiderWoman on the top of our vehicle! Shh. Well, the vehicle carrier was lying unused. It must have been lonely and sad.

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Replace one of these monkeys with a woman! And remove the rest from the picture! Or you could keep the rest too. She doesn’t mind. I asked.

The SpiderWoman was tired after her two minute stint. After all, greater responsibilities requires greater power! So what would the next stop four hours later be for? Food! Breakfast combined food with ogling at a cute little bundle of joy, who was peeping out of his father’s arms and watching the early morning bustle at the road side eatery while his mouth hung open and eyes remained wide and bright.

The places we crossed, cities, towns all seemed to wake up the same way. The faces change, but the places remain the same – similar yet different in ways a traveler can’t distinguish in passing but only admire. The lone milk vendor on his cycle, the newspaper guys distributing the morning’s load, the vegetable sellers lining up for a swift morning, the jogger here and there, the early risers already on their way to work, more men, less women, more elders, no children, some yawning, others charged for the Sun’s next rotation.

A full belly and long travel dozed me off to sleep! I woke up next to find myself away from the cities and into the forests of the Western Ghats! Not to mention with a ‘Nearly Headless Neck’ and an almost bursting bladder.

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We stopped to answer nature’s call at the open air toilets provided by the Forest Reserve at one of the checkpoints, and lo behold! Their grit was eye opening! And their ways, harsh reality.

Let’s break this down for you. The gritty stuff? Well, their toilets were not gender biased – all unisex. Go figure, how! The harsh reality? Well, only 1 out of the 10 toilets had running water available. And when I say running, I mean 24X7 running, because the tap was broken beyond repair. Just like the 10% among us hold 99% of the wealth and waste it because they have no idea what to do with it.

What do you think when at an elevation of 340 metres, the heat is blistering and burning your skin but Google Weather reports that the 3400 metres’ elevation which is your destination is expecting rain? Well the obvious one is, ‘Google must be wrong. Finally!’. Apart from the obvious, I came up with, ‘Is it really possible that this same high and mighty Sun and sky will be shy and cloudy in another hour and 3060 metres?’. And after that I hit my jackpot!

‘Did the women of India really choose to cover their heads and faces with their attire because the men culture wanted it or because the women wanted to save themselves from the heat, the open countryside is subjected to? As if breathing fire wasn’t enough, they’d have to let it simmer their skin too.’

Looks like some of the heat got to me too!

To be continued...

Graciously Yours!

Sea.

Guide to reading : Below are, not one but, three completely unrelated short stories all bound by the one word ~ “Sea”.

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He walked towards the seas. Stretched far across till where his eyes could see, only blues greeted him, shimmering in different shades from azure to teal to royal blue with hints of cyan and turquoise pitching in! This was the quieter part of the beach. Not many residents came here. And tourists? Barely. He dropped the bag and slowly moved to the edge of the rocks. As he looked down at the lapping waves twenty feet below, a rush of excitement passed through him. Goosebumps lined up his arms. He took in a lot of air, breathing deep. It would be a while before he did that again. “Whenever you’re ready,” he heard someone shout. He looked across to the adjacent cliff. Nodding, ever so slightly, he gave the clique of photographers a thumbs up and then spreading his arms like those of an eagle’s, he swooped down on the water, cold air rushing past him and all of reality a mere joke in that moment of truth!


“Mom, be careful. The baby might get hurt,” my daughter warned me, as soon as I set the toddler on the sand. I smiled at her, nostalgia hitting me in my guts! Twenty years ago, my little girl was perched in my lap eating her way through sand more than playing with it. She ran across the sands, collecting shells, screaming with delight at wriggling snails. Crabs scared her. Starfish made her curious. Corals were her collectibles. I still had some kept in one of my boxes. I scooped up the kid in my arms. “Are you stronger than your mother?” I asked him. But he was fiddling with a coral in his hand. He curiously stared at it and gurgled “Ma”, the best way he could, showing the coral to me and his mother turn by turn. “Oh well, let him out on the sand. He’ll be fine!” said my daughter, possibly reminiscing her own coral days! “But we’ll bathe him once after,” she said, as soon as I put the kid on the beach where I had raised my family and my husband’s mother had raised hers and so on. We were the sea and sand people. You couldn’t take the salts of the seas out of our blood.


He needed to talk to someone. His brain was a flurry of thoughts. Everything was going wrong. He was screwing up whatever was left in his life after having lost all that he once had. He got out of his car. He closed the door lightly. His girlfriend’s banging of the car door still reverberated in his ears. Walking along the beach, he saw a girl sitting alone. Hoping it would not be a mistake, he went up to her and asked politely, “Do you mind if I sit here?” She looked up at him. Her tear streaked cheeks glistened in the soft lights. “It’s a free country,” she said, resignedly. He sat down beside her. He cupped up the sand and watched it flow out of his hands, tears rolling down his cheeks. “I don’t want us to be running out of time,” he said out loud to his girlfriend. “And if you go away, this is all I’ll ever be,” showing her his now empty hands. “You cannot love me so much. You should not,” she said, putting her hand in his. “The sands of time will take care of us. Just let them,” he pleaded. She sighed, didn’t say anything, but let her hand stay right where it belonged.


Graciously Yours!

Picture Courtesy : Devesh Lunia.

The Pixel Way.

Four days ago, I was awkward, silent and judgmentally observant. Four days later, I am lively, chirpy and still observant but not judgmentally! Oh and 104% tired!

What happened in these four days, you ask? PIXELS ~ the photography club at the company I work in. They organised a three day trip to Kodaikanal, Madurai and Rameshwaram and those three days have by far been the best in the last couple of months! Except the family reunion, of course! Jeez Mom, don’t doubt my love for you fellas! 😉

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#EarlyRisingPerks! P.C. : Ajit Singh

Waking up to such scenes may be difficult but when you have friends to capture them for you, there’s nothing better! 😉 Kodaikanal at 13 degrees Celsius in the morning is the best way to wake up to! Until you realize that the geyser in the bathrooms doesn’t necessarily spout hot water.

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VIBGYOR and beyond! P.C.: Nishant Aggarwal
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Clicking the clickers. P.C.: Deepanshu Tiwari.

Sightseeing had never been this interesting! With so many cameras clicking around me, for once I didn’t have to bother about capturing places. I only had to live through moments in the best way possible.

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Making Memories ~ One Day At A Time!

Sometimes you meet the most unexpected people in the most unexpected places. Period.

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Wanna go for dinner, Darling!
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Note the logo. Says the Professional, captures the Amateur. (Hint – Baskin Robbins!)

The names of the restaurants, schools, colleges we came across were hilarious! Apart from these, a few that stood out were Booty’s. And the *drum roll begins* ‘American University of India’.

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Yeah, visiting date and time at the temple noted. #VandalismMuch

From temples to beaches, parks to caves, waterfalls to forests – we covered it all. And the one most obvious thing which I couldn’t manage to squeeze in? Shopping! Such a relief, I tell you 😉

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The Flowing Light. P.C. : Janakiraman G.

And that right there is how each of these talented photographers’ create magic! The Pamban bridge connecting Rameshwaram island to the Indian mainland is one of those marvelous pieces of architecture that we’re forgetting about.

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Nothing tires us ever. Except office!

Three days of fun has never been called long and short in the same sentence! Until now. To each of those who came together for this trip ~ thank you for making the heat, the hunger, the pain, the sleeplessness and the wait at the temples all bearable! 😉

Graciously Yours!

 

The Past Week.

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Considering I am writing this post half-asleep, ignore any errors that creep through, deliberately or not.

And now the question is why am I half-asleep halfway through the day?

Because I have traveled over 1500 kilometers over the past week.

Because I’ve put band aids on hurt toes to continue walking in damned new heels!

Because I have packed, repacked, unpacked at least four times in the last seven days!

Because I have slept in five different beds in those number of days.

Because I spent more awake hours in Bangalore traffic day before than  I slept in the night.

Because my kitchen is packed in boxes and my combs stashed with shoes, clothes buried under toiletries and phone charger all but lost.

Because I was searching for an apartment to sleep in at 2 AM, blankets in hand, friend by side, giggles the only sound and the winds our long time companion!

Because my leg is cramping, hands typing and mind fogging!

Hope to have weirded you out by now,

Graciously Yours!

P.S. : Please don’t ask ‘how are you’!

In Other News.

We’ve known for a while that journalism hasn’t really been improving it’s standards but today I will not be blaming them.

In other news, that’s what the world was up to. In other words, that’s what was trending!

Pokemon Go – Because Candy Crush outlived its fifteen seconds of fame!

Every second person I know, whether gaming freaks or not, whether or not they know that there are 151 Pokemons, whether they can say the names of even ten or not, they will be playing the latest app rage that is Pokemon Go!

USA has more Pokemon Go downloads than Tinder. Pokemon Go has more Google search than porn (which is good, actually! But, is it?) Pokemon Go walks are being organised. And memes are already in place!

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Pubic Hair Dress – sometimes things get a little too hairy to be waxed.

Yes, because clothes are passe! Who wants fabric to cover their body when they can get hair? And that too pubic hair! Dream come true *sarcasm*

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I wonder how the lady in the picture agreed to wear that remarkable piece of imagination.

And by the way, when I first read this piece of news I gagged on nothing but my own saliva! And eating? Eating food was a long way off while trying to recover from the shock! Just saying. You might want to give yourself time.

Oh and what’s on the top of your head? Oh, just some hair! Too soon? 😉

Ramdev Baba – India’s brand ambassdor for Yoga, NOT!

You taught us Yoga? Good. You taught us different ways to breathe? Good. You got into our homes at 5 in the morning to give life advices? Good. You entered politics? Whatever. You tried to ban Maggi? #LifeIsACircle!  You started selling hair oil to flour to noodles? Don’t give a dime of thought to you. But then you went ahead and did this :

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Need I even say any thing?

Huma Mobin – the lady who rocked her ‘honeymoon’. Alone!

Meet Huma, a lady who had to go on a vacation without her husband and she came back with pictures that broke the internet! She brought Pakistan into the news and for once the world was smiling! Thank you, Ma’am! 🙂

Also, she went to Greece. Thank you for helping Greek tourism. They can do with whatever they get.

Signing off,

Graciously Yours!

D.I.Y. – Washing

Are you a ‘laundry virgin’ too?
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Well, well, well! Let’s make things easier for you.

Following are the things you must NOT DO while washing:

– Do not wash your blacks with your whites! No matter how trusted that shopkeeper was or how branded the product was – blacks and whites don’t mix well.

– Do not turn on the shower if you’re sitting fully clothed right beneath it! Provided you choose to hand wash your clothes while you are fully clothed. But that’s your choice! Who am I to judge? 😉

– Do not expect yourself to work out after hand washing your dirty laundry! Your upper body got toned for the day.

– Do not put on peppy dance tracks while hanging out clothes onto the washing line. There’s bound to be water spilt and high tendencies to slip while grooving!

– Lastly, do try not to endanger your washing machine’s life. That way you can avoid hand washing your clothes!

And if by any chance, there is a rat who cuts through wires and damages the machine (#TrueStory), make sure this isn’t the technician coming to service it!

Crazy Guy!

#TrueStory again!

Graciously Yours!

P.S.: Feel free to share how you lost your ‘laundry virginity’! 😉

Meanwhile, here’s how Rachel lost hers :

Thought Flash #4

You know you’re finally understanding physics if you recall fluid dynamics while seeing the shampoo coil on your hand. If you use the hand shower to deliberately feel the recoil effect! If you consider wind speed when dropping something from ten floors high! Something that wouldn’t break someone’s head, obviously! I’m not violent, just curious. 😉

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Graciously Yours!

P.S. : Thank you, Destin for doing what you do!

Picture Courtesy : Smarter Every Day.

The Last Laugh.

The scratching of pens wouldn’t stop. The overhead fan was whirring at full speed. Yet, she could sense the beads of sweat forming over her brow. A couple more minutes and she would wipe it off again. The students had just another 30 minutes and then she could go and rest in the staff room.

This was the third consecutive day her cook hadn’t turned up. Her ailing mother in law was demanding even when on bed. Then there was her husband who couldn’t see her burdens even if she threw them in his face. Well, he was dead anyways. He met with an accident while he was on a trip with his mistress. The world thought he died alone and mourned him for all that he wasn’t. She didn’t care to correct their assumptions to save her daughter from the society’s cruel impending jibes.

She could see two students passing papers at the back of the room. She didn’t care! They were old enough to know what was right and what wasn’t. If they thought these marks could secure their future, she wanted to roll on the floor laughing at their silliness. The real world would make them repent for their underhand methods. Or at least life would. She let them enjoy the short lived moments of adrenalin rushed success. And noted their roll numbers for further reference.

If they were good, she was better.

Graciously Yours!

Quote Challenge – Day 2.

The blogger over at Just A Small Town Girl nominated me for a quote challenge recently. Go check her blog out, y’all!

Challenge’s rules:

  1. Post on three consecutive days.
  2. You can pick one or three quotes per day.
  3. Challenge three different bloggers per day.

Have you heard of the Daily Odd Compliments? I am not sure if they quite fall in the category of quotes, but these are some of the best ones I came across recently :

 

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Did they bring a smile on your face? Did they remind you of someone? Go call them and tell them about how awesome I am! Leave me a note and I’ll thank you in the comments! 😉

Graciously Yours!

Picture Credits to DOC website!

Of bad singers and good ad campaigns.

The laws of Calcutta seem beyond my grasp at times. It’s almost midnight and there’s a live musical performance going on right behind my place for no reason whatsoever! At least, there’s no festival I am aware of. Christmas doesn’t call for such celebration and Durga Puja is a good ten months away!

Singers have been shouting into the microphones, speakers have been blaring, peace is being held hostage for the past five hours. At least. Why am I so irritated? Because good songs and better singers are welcome at such shows. But when the singers sound like they have bullfrogs bellowing inside of them and the noise they’re creating is on the higher side of the allowed decibel level, sleep is tossed out of the window (panes of which are vibrating!) and the post which is published is probably the tenth draft of the fourth idea which struck me while I was trying to clamp my ears with cotton, mufflers and pillows.

Distracting myself to write this post and I end up writing about what I am supposed to distract myself from! Silly me.

So you think diamonds are a girl’s best friend? And that if your fiance, husband or even boyfriend doesn’t gift you diamonds, his love for you isn’t forever? (Because diamonds last forever – forgive the analogy. All that noise is slowing me down.)

Well, congratulations! You have been duped by a very long continuing and massively successful advertising campaign started around the mid 1900’s to ensure the sudden bounty of diamonds being mined do not lose out on their previously high prices! The advertising campaign emphasized on the non-existent necessity of diamonds to be an intricate part of the holy matrimony! And thus began the race to buy diamonds, the end line of which is far from visible even today.

This reminds me of another advertising campaign which saved an entire brand from getting ruined. The Nestle India Maggi campaign! An offshoot video that I found is worth the time and smile. Specially for those who love both Maggi and Bollywood.

Graciously Yours!

P.S. : In case reading this post will result in future savings in your bank account, don’t forget to send me a thank you note! 😉 You’d make my day.