Indian Men and Rejection.

“Indian men cannot handle rejection. The only time when they are not rejected is when they are born.” – Daniel Fernandes.

Acid attacks, revengefully plotted murders, stalking, and also cyber stalking – all acts known to be associated with rebuttal of rejection. India doesn’t seem to have too many reported cases of stalking because we probably ignore it until it is too late. Or because mental health is still a concept we choose to ignore and not understand. Show us the physical bruises though and we’re ready to kill.

Wikipedia states, “Stalking is unwanted or obsessive attention by an individual or group toward another person. Stalking behaviors are related to harassment and intimidation and may include following the victim in person or monitoring them. The word stalking is used, with some differing meanings, in psychology and psychiatry and also in some legal jurisdictions as a term for a criminal offense.”

With the boom in social media, cyber stalking is on the rise – possibly because it is energy efficient with high rates of effectiveness and efficiency in producing results of harassment. Cyber stalking results in your moves being tracked online, your privacy invaded often to the extent that you feel threatened and unfortunately inspite of the multiple security features and privacy measures these apps boast of, the stalker mostly always finds a way out. Yes, cyber stalking does not involve physical violence but the emotional harassment and mental agony it causes to the victim is worth taking notice. Not to mention an increase in the distrust towards people in general.

How would you feel if you woke up in the morning to see countless, unending texts on your phone from a number? How would it feel to see your comments on people’s pictures being liked by your stalker? How would you feel if your public blog had traces of your stalker’s presence on every blog post – a like, a comment, a share? How would you feel to be showered with unwanted presents? I, for one, feel uncomfortable, uneasy, queasy, disgusted and sorry for the pathetic attempts of my stalker at trying to establish a relationship with me where none can exist.

For long, I kept mum. My friends told me to ignore. I decided to turn a blind eye to these antics. I thought they would fade and die out. We all did. But that simply fueled my stalker’s already raving fantasies of me. Not a day passes when I am not afraid of the grave danger which may lie ahead for me if my stalker doesn’t stop soon. My stalker’s psychology is something I have been unable to fathom. What seemed to me an innocent friendship, for him was the pinnacle of love. (And I’m not even exaggerating.) So all the while, when I was treating him like just another guy I know and talk to, he was probably in his mind leering at me, scanning every opportunity to be with me and waiting for the right moment to leech on to my back. Several attempts to ask him to back off boomeranged into him thinking I will accept him sooner or later. I now know how to block someone on all social media accounts I have! No wonder people have trust issues! Because people like my stalker really exist. To add fuel to the fire, my stalker has a blog (links of which he’s sent to me several times) which seems dedicated to his memories of me and his undying (unsolicited and unwanted) love for me along with all possible personal details about my looks, likes, dislikes, interests without any permission from me. What could be a bigger invasion of my privacy?

Lesson learnt : Every love story has two sides. Never believe it is a love story until you’ve heard both sides. There’s a thin line between love and obsession. And there’s a thinner line between obsession and stalking.

Advice to him : My soul is mine and yours is yours. If you think I reside in your soul or vice versa, think of how foolish you’re sounding. You might love me but that doesn’t make me obliged in any manner to love you back. Nor does that give you permission to mentally harass me and my loved ones. Oh and another thing – stop treating death like a joke, otherwise life’s going to make a joke out of you some day.

A not so fun fact :

In “A Study of Stalkers” Mullen et al. (2000) identified five types of stalkers:

  • Rejected stalkers – pursue their victims in order to reverse, correct, or avenge a rejection (e.g. divorce, separation, termination).
  • Resentful stalkers – pursue a vendetta because of a sense of grievance against the victims – motivated mainly by the desire to frighten and distress the victim.
  • Intimacy seekers – seek to establish an intimate, loving relationship with their victim. Such stalkers often believe that the victim is a long-sought-after soul mate, and they were ‘meant’ to be together.
  • Incompetent suitors – despite poor social or courting skills, have a fixation, or in some cases, a sense of entitlement to an intimate relationship with those who have attracted their amorous interest. Their victims are most often already in a dating relationship with someone else.
  • Predatory stalkers – spy on the victim in order to prepare and plan an attack – often sexual – on the victim

Graciously Yours!

AdiC.

P.S. : To my stalker, if you’re reading this, (and I know you are because, hello, isn’t that what you do?) you should know, I’d rather live in rejection than give up my self respect for someone.

P.P.S. : To others being stalked, whether male or female, please ensure that people around you know you are being stalked. It isn’t your fault. Speak out rather than letting the rage boil inside.

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44 thoughts on “Indian Men and Rejection.”

  1. I have been stalked …and sometimes when I love someone passionately and they dont return it, I have had the urge to reach out to him, and write…but all you need to do is to accept the fact that somehow the other person does not think in the same way..and that you cant change it…and resist that urge to write… What I dont understand is, why when you get turned off from someone, you are unable to give that person a second chance. Makes love a very thin rope to walk on..You go back and think…maybe if I did this one thing differently he would like me…that is what results in stalking…he/she is asking for a second chance..unfortunately ….strange, true, and cruel….”Love offers no second chances”…”Once off…always off”…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I understand what you’re talking about. And love is a feeling which cannot be cultivated. It has to arise from within. If it doesn’t arise, it just doesn’t. You really can’t do anything about it.
      What’s worse is my stalker never even let me know that he had such strong feelings for me. While we were in contact, he always behaved like love was his last priority which was completely irrelevant to me either ways. But now he’s just not backing off after I severed all contact with him. This is what scares me. A psyche which is so imbalanced and pretentious.
      I hope your phase of being stalked has ended once and for all!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Well done for coming out with this – it must have been a big step for you and I hope you can finally put it behind you as it sounds like it’s been very distressing.
    As for Indian men and rejection, having worked with a married Indian woman, my understanding is that the Indian men in the more affluent backgrounds are often brought up with the principles of a woman obeying them, rich Indian families have been known to ‘do away with’ a daughter at birth as when they are married the woman’s family has to give a dowery when they marry (this is not all cases anyone that should read this and hate me).
    Anyway… thanks for sharing 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, it has been a very difficult decision to make but seeing the support you fellows are coming up with, I am thankful I did it.
      I guess it is possible that Indian men are so used to getting their way out and being the decision makers that being rejected by a female is oddly disturbing. Possibly so much that they want to make sure they get the no converted to yes.
      Not all families give and take dowries, but yes, the numbers which take are higher than those who don’t. Much, much higher.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You seem to know lots about it. Im glad you have found support among your bloggies, i find normally they’re great and i hope you can find a way through to trusting again.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Make sure this person’s name is known to all your true family and friends. Keep documenting every personal infraction he commits. I don’t know how the law works in India, but here stalking is a crime and accumulating evidence can sometimes help. I’ve been stalked by a few people…most were cyber…one wasn’t.

    If this man believes he ‘loves’ you, what a poor way to show it! His attentions are the equivalent of a two-year-old child screaming for mommy to notice him. What woman would want to reciprocate that kind of ‘love?’ None!

    If personal safety becomes an issue…consider moving. And I mean a BIG move. Someplace he won’t follow…

    And carry pepper spray at all times.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I made sure all those who need to about his antics, do know it. And they’ve all been very supportive! I was reading up on a lot of stalking laws of the USA and I was clearly surprised at their lack in India.

      You’ve put it so rightly! The comparison is perfect.

      Thank you for being so generous with advice. I will definitely look into it. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes I watched his video after googling his name. Asshole! I guess he’s a goan..going by his surname. He thinks he’s a comedian, I fail to see any humor in what he talks. I will comment, surely 🙂

        Like

  4. Funny, I do not get his jokes either ! That could be because I cannot understand his speech ! lol [ oh, I am so easily amused! ] Seriously though, and your situation is a serious one, I find your situation relevant around the world. I once heard an anecdote postulating that locks are good only for keeping “honest” folks honest. When people are given tools and use them for “picking the locks” of others personal lives, their actions are indicative of a society that tolerates these actions. [ not only yours ] Exposure is the one thing these mentalities fear, but the reaction to the exposure can result in disastrous results. I can offer no solution, only empathy. : (

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Most of his other videos have English subtitles given. You could check them out.

      And empathy is more than enough for now. I just needed to make sure that others who’re being stalked understand that keeping mum about it and thinking it’s your fault will only perpetrate and justify the actions of the stalker (in their mind).

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Yusra! I hope this gets over now. There’s no justification for such behaviour. Literacy and education no longer represent a balanced and understanding psych to me.

      Like

  5. This reminds me of my stalker 😂 so obstinate creatures fated on earth to wreck havoc in our lives..my only response to him was full muted silence and it’s a dish served best cold. ..I guess just ignore or have a blocker Id app installed or threat him if he antagonizes you further 😂😄

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I tried remaining silent and ignored him for as long as three months but he just wouldn’t stop. I had no intention of putting out my personal problems on my blog but he left me no choice.
      I guess now on I’ll ignore him again if he restarts. Hopefully, he won’t.

      Like

  6. Adi, I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I wish you had the protections we have in the U.S. Years ago I had a disturbing situation occur online. I notified my Internet provider and they immediately took care, first by deleting all of his comments and then blocking him from contacting me.
    ☕️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s a really brilliant step taken by your internet service providers. I’m not even sure if that facility exists here but I’ll sure try finding out about it. Thank you for your concern. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Well written… There’s a thin line between love and obsession. It’s harassing when someone makes everything about you public. I can understand your frustration. Had he really been in love with you he would have given you your space. The fact that he writes about all your personal details in public disgusts me. All that you can do is remain alert and careful.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. What a wonderful post and I am sorry that you have to go through all this… I hope things are better now and improving ? If that insane creature tries to breach more then just police complaint. Take care friend!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Oh my god adi that’s horrible! Stalkers scare the shiz out of me like nothing else. Omg I really hope he backs off because these creepy folks are plain scary! I really hope he backs off, and that we’re safe from weirdos like these. Weirdos who have no life and are frustrated to the point of stalking like this!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh that way! Yeah it’s really frustrating to see people still don’t understand what a no means. And what’s scary for me is that he’s blogged about me to such an extent and with such personal details about my looks, interests, etc. that I’m always on tenterhooks that he might post my name or picture on his blog someday. Because frankly, he’s just writing his part of the story. He’s never mentioned that I do not want to be any part of it.

        Liked by 1 person

  10. Wow Adi. This must have been really difficult to write. I applaud your courage. Most of the people who have commented above have given sound advice. So I doubt I will be able to add anything. But let me try.

    1. If you know his personal details, try and notify his family about his antics. Chances are they don’t know about this side of his personality. I’m sure you know that Indians fear shame more than death. Izzat and all.

    2. You could unofficially notify the police. If you have any contact in the police (either your personal or through your family), do let them know that there is someone who is harassing you, and if things escalate, you might lodge a complaint.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for the concern, Ershad. I don’t know yet if my courage will pay off or not but at least I’ll not rue being silent when I should have spoken up.

      I do have the contact number of one of his family members but I am not sure if they can stop him. He rarely ever heeds what they say. Or at least that’s what I have been made to believe.

      For now, apparently, he’s in the ICU. I have no idea what to make of it. If you go through your reader well enough, you might put two and two together.

      Liked by 1 person

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